so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
