Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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