he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
