Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
