Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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