You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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