I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize