Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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