I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
this hospital has no fireball
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize