its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
