I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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