being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Randomize
