Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
