yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
