Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
