I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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