So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
