Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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