found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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