I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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