I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
is wine microwaveable?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
