nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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