Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
