You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
