is your mom at the bar?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
