yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
