But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
