it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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