Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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