Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
