I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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