How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
