You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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