omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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