That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
