Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize