I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I want a musical about memes.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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