So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
