He disabled his match.com account in front of me
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
