You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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