I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
we're making bets on your personal life
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize