mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
