did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
