3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize