Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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