before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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