Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
