maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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