If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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