I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
as a side note pls kill me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
