how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
