Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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