Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
