dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
