I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
