Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
