Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
