U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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