I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
