Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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