i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
