He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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