I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
