i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
