Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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