i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Actions speak louder than pants.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
