My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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