yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
