I love black thongs
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The best revenge is premature balding
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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