I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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