he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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